By Jennifer Stevens
The moment I arrived in Seoul, my self-esteem took a nosedive. Thousands of porcelain-skinned, shiny-haired waifs in 4-inch heels everywhere I looked…I felt like some freakish blonde extra in a glossy fashion movie.
“You’re gonna be, like, a supermodel in Korea!” my friend Eric said before I left. His boyfriend chimed in, “Seriously Jen, they’re gonna think you’re famous or something.”
Well, it’s been nine months, and apart from some staring on the subway, I feel far from famous.
“Maybe you’re feeling down on yourself because you haven’t gotten laid in a fucking century,” said Eric during one of his “pep-talks” via Skype. “You know your vagina can actually grow over!”
“So I’ve heard,” I said. “But that’s not why I called.”
“Well then what do you want from me? Move back here so your size six ass will be considered skinny again! And in the meantime, get yourself dolled up, go out to a gay bar, and get some much-needed attention from a bunch of half-naked men.”
I signed off immediately and called my friend Jason to make plans: Itaewon’s “Homo Hill,” Friday night.
I couldn’t believe I’d been in Seoul for nine months and hadn’t explored the hill full of gay bars.
I pictured a pristine alleyway hidden behind the dirty, vomit-filled roads of Itaewon. Techno music would be pumping into the streets and glitter would be falling from the sky. Bartenders would serve fruity concoctions in martini glasses while wearing nothing more than cowboy hats and boxer briefs.
I tend to have a flair for the dramatics.
“Jen, I don’t want you to get too excited,” said Jason on our way to Itaewon. “Remember, we’re still in Seoul, not South Beach.”
But I couldn’t help myself. I sat in the subway, staring at the screen, anxiously waiting for our stop. When we exited, I practically skipped toward the hill.
It wasn’t exactly what I had envisioned. It turns out there are no clean streets in Itaewon, and there are no signs of glitter falling from the sky.
“It’s still early,” said Jason. “Let’s sit down somewhere and have a cocktail while we wait for people to come.”
We went to a place called Almaz. Plush red couches, silver sequined pillows, an outside garden, and a killer cocktail menu…my dreams of dancing all night, glow sticks in hand, started to seem more feasible. They even offered free condoms in the bathroom. 
“I don’t know why you were downplaying this place, Jason,” I said. “I mean, there are condoms and what may be some sort of sex toy dispenser in the bathroom! This night is going to be ridiculous!”
So we headed back out to the hill and immediately heard, “Hey, you bitch! I didn’t know you were gonna be here tonight!”
Two very attractive men came running toward Jason with outstretched arms. “Oh my God, Jason, who is this beautiful woman you brought with you? We must take her dancing!” they demanded.
A huge smile took over my face and I followed them to a bar called Queen.
Twenty-something guys with popped collars and skinny jeans sat below the outdoor “Queen” sign, drinking bottles of Cass and whistling at passer-bys. Two men in suits had their lips locked, propped against the window. Inside, everyone was dancing.
“This is amazing!” I said to Jason’s friends.
“No, honey, you’re amazing,” they told me. “Now, get that hot ass up on stage and dance!”
For the next few hours, we spent our time mingling on the streets, drinking gin and tonics, and dancing to Korean pop music. We went to bars with clever names like “Why Not?” and “Always Homme.” I added five new numbers to my phone.
“Okay, you’ve officially been hit on more than I have tonight,” said Jason. “Let’s get some street food and go home.”
I wasn’t sure if it was the string of compliments I’d received or the positive energy I’d felt from the hill, but for the first time in a long time, I didn’t want a greasy burger or a plate full of tteokbokki.
“You know, my friend Eric was right,” I told Jason on the cab ride home. “I guess all I needed to feel better about myself was a night out with some gay men.”
“Or maybe you still just need to get laid,” he said, laughing.
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A former Floridian, Jennifer decided to make the move to Seoul after friends found her with a hammer in hand, hovered in front of the freezer, trying to pry her “emergency credit card” from a block of ice. Living like an heiress on a copyeditor’s budget had finally caught up to her. Finances now in order, Jennifer spends most of her time teaching and daydreaming about where she’ll visit next.
jenniferdstevens@gmail.com
June 7th, 2010 at 6:08 am
Jake, just because your life is boring, doesn’t mean everyone else’s is. And frankly, if Jennifer’s night on the town is tantamount to a sitcom in your universe, you need to step away from your keyboard right KNOW to join the living and the gettin’ laid.
June 7th, 2010 at 6:26 am
the same processed smile in every pic…………..
June 7th, 2010 at 6:36 am
haha i love guys like you. You’re like the Sherlock Holmes’ of Bullshit. So she would be cool if she processed a photograph in which she looks away “candidly” as if she doesn’t notice the camera.
Your profile picture is taken by your mac photobooth. Guaranteed. I’d bet my left tit on it.
June 7th, 2010 at 12:58 pm
i have no clue what ‘jakethereed’ just said — but i say ‘you are FABULOUS’ …i may not be a gay man, but i know fabulous when i see it — and darlin’ you got it in spades!!
love you so much.
June 7th, 2010 at 6:55 pm
I think what Jake says is that the girl jennifer’s photo is too processed. The way I see it is the girl is super pretty and she goes out on the town and and writes pretty revealing stuff about it. She has an earlier story that was good as well.
She probably has to take the photos herself so of course she is going to to go into characteristic pose. Everyone does that.
Would like to see a shot of her dancing with the Gay men. She could use her own photographer. It would all be worth it.
June 7th, 2010 at 9:45 pm
You assume anyone with a nightlife would make a self congratulating write up about it?
Because i dont have a nightlife claptrop or point out how silly it is to do so, you assume i have no life?
Some leave all on the dance floor buddy. Some, just maybe some feel no need to wake up the next morning and write about it.
Im saying the whole hot girl going to gay bar and seeking attention for it is not that original.
Don’t get butt hurt and resort to insults cuz i call it how it is.
June 7th, 2010 at 9:48 pm
oh and for the record i have never owned a mac or used photobooth for a pic.
thanks
June 8th, 2010 at 2:43 am
Really Jake! I find it hard to believe that in your time spent here and all of your dealings and entanglements with the Seoul local media establishment that you have read or seen “hot girl going to gay bar…” ever portrayed in print or online here?
As a media watcher I can rarely remember seeing pictures of folks on “Homo Hill” even willing to allow their pictures to be taken (especially Korean). And with a smile no less…
That Jennifer put this on her “calender” to go out and do and then write about it is something you would see in cosmo-Sunday sections of a North American city paper… and that is always worth a look and a read.
And to do this in East Asia? Being a minority in both race and sexual preference? And to take on this night with real honesty… Me thinks Jennifer is adding to the meaning of that word “Fabulous” M>
June 8th, 2010 at 6:19 am
Pathetic. Get a life.
June 8th, 2010 at 10:06 am
wow. since when do men have an issue with a pretty girl in a picture. hey ..jake ..go away. why don’t you start your own blog and we can all critique accordingly. ‘you call it how you see it?’ — let me tell you how i see it — you are a mean person and you have no friends and you probably masturbate to sadomasochistic porn on the internet. i’m sure you are enjoying any posts directed toward you because we are the only people who give you any attention. i’m sorry that your mother doesn’t love you.
if you don’t like what jen posts …stop reading it. i’m all for the 1st amendment, but i’m not for rude criticisms.
go away.
June 8th, 2010 at 1:40 pm
As a personal friend of the amazing and ever-talented writer I am just here to say one thing. Jennifer is never processed or fake. The girl has NEVER taken a bad photograph. EVER. She is probably the most photogenic person of our time. So, with that said, she can’t help it. She has a picture perfect smile every time.
Aside from that, I thought the article was awesome and it was totally her. Just because someone may not wake up and write about his night on the town doesn’t make it wrong for someone else to. …And knowing Jen, if she ain’t talking about it, she’s writing about it.
June 8th, 2010 at 8:34 pm
Jennifer seems like a pretty cool girl. Miz, can you set up a date? I wanna take her to the malt shop.
June 9th, 2010 at 4:00 am
I once knew a girl like Jennifer.
Asked her out and she said no.
June 9th, 2010 at 5:50 pm
Korova, my guess is that it was either something you did or said or that you weren’t good enough for her.
June 10th, 2010 at 8:20 am
Yeah, thanks for the insults and bringing mom into it. Feed right into my stereotype.
but ive seen this episode….sex in the city maybe?
yawn
night everyone.
June 10th, 2010 at 6:52 pm
Let’s be honest here. The girl is smoking hot.
End of story. Find it hard to believe she has a hard time getting dates in Korea… Probably the majority of nerdy esl teachers here are to afraid to talk to her…
Anyone writing bitchy messages in response to this post needs to get a life.
Anywho…
June 11th, 2010 at 3:01 am
I really liked your post Jenn. Awesome.
June 11th, 2010 at 4:37 am
It’s ok to go to a different country-and-get-by-with-a- little-help-from-my-gay-friends- some-who-are-strangers-and-yelled-at-the-only-friend-i-did-know-and-there-were-condoms-in-the-bathroom-… etc etc. point is anyone who comes to a foreign country and vamps it up a little in boy’s town on a Saturday night can peck out a good piece to read. Jen is our soc. butterly columnist-via Sex in the City Not the New York Review of Books critic reviewing Sean Penn in Milk. If you had a common touch you would read Jen for the excitement and fun that most do… 3wm we don’t do for “Academics” we write…
June 11th, 2010 at 6:07 am
I can see you read the title ” calender” = diary in the konglish. The Draw is not to be laborious. Good bye I am going to watch baseball now. Let’s go Mets!
June 12th, 2010 at 1:33 pm
Hey if you have it get it out there and shake it Homos or no Homos! Perform it and dance it proper.
June 13th, 2010 at 10:25 pm
That’s right cupcake, in a land of very hot asian beauties with bodies to die for, western women get lost in the crowd…
I am having a hard time fqiuring out though if you miss the attention like you most likely received in FL or the fact that you don’t get it here.
Sad though that you need to go to a Gay bar to boost your self esteem.
June 14th, 2010 at 4:40 am
what the hell is up with all these hostile and catty reactions? i think this girl is the best part of this webzine. go jennifer!
June 14th, 2010 at 8:28 pm
Thanks for the positive comments. I just wanted to write something light and entertaining. It’s unfortunate that so many others felt the need to post such negative feedback. I know the Internet allows for people to voice their opinions, but intentionally hurting someone’s feelings is unnecessary.
June 14th, 2010 at 10:08 pm
Perhaps “other” people were also writing how they feel/felt about your story, you were kinda taking shots at yourself in the story.
I agree that intentional hurting is a bad thing, but, I personally did not read any comments that I woould have considered too hurtful… but I guess if you post something in full view of the world, then, be prepared to hear their feedback, just my opinion
June 15th, 2010 at 1:10 am
Jenn most of the comments are positive…
It’s not too hard to profile the meanies A: They are not physically attractive enough to have something to say to you if they actually met you. B: They can’t produce anything at the level that 3wm is so they vent on you…
Thanks for keeping the story real for yourself as Oscar Wilde said:
“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone elses opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.” He for sure had people who snipe on the internet in mind when he came up with that…
June 15th, 2010 at 4:21 pm
Mizaru, How much more of a hipacrit can you be??
“It’s not too hard to profile the meanies A: They are not physically attractive enough to have something to say to you if they actually met you. B: They can’t produce anything at the level that 3wm is so they vent on you…”
I think you just proved you are one of the people you are profiling….
June 15th, 2010 at 4:45 pm
Most likely indeed.
June 17th, 2010 at 8:04 pm
Hey RJR Nabisco…
“Hipacrit” is ACTUALLY spelled “hypocrite”
Ughhh no wonder her blog makes no sense to you.
June 20th, 2010 at 10:23 pm
Hey Kat,
Thanks for the spelling lesson. Oh, and have a nice day…
June 21st, 2010 at 12:40 am
at least the quality and “vibe” of the comments fits the original “article.”
September 10th, 2010 at 4:40 pm
Calm down retards..Jake has got her measure thats all…jake i hear you brother!
You got her pegged
October 26th, 2010 at 4:08 pm
http://thethreewisemonkeys.com/2010/03/22/three-poems-from-jake-reed/
he’s a poet when he’s not an asshole
November 13th, 2010 at 11:56 pm
Holy jebus, this is one fine lady. When did you arrive and how come I don’t know about it? Sounds like the men she knows don’t know how to be the man. I wish I were gay because I’d love to spend the night dancing with her. Jammy bastards.
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