By Jennifer Stevens
He spoiled me with gifts. He opened doors. He held my hand. He even carried my purse. After ten months in Korea, I 
had found myself a Korean boyfriend.
It started off like any normal relationship—a friendship request on Facebook. “I found a hot girl and want to talk to her. Please help my English! I can help you Korean =)))))” It sounded innocent enough. Plus, I was secretly longing for a Korean boyfriend ever since I saw a couple wearing matching Mickey Mouse shirts on the subway (I’ve ascertained that couples doning the same articles of clothing here, from shoes to shirts, is an official declaration of coupledom).
“Just be prepared for mass phone calls and text messages,” a girlfriend warned. “They definitely don’t know how to play hard to get.”
She was right. Five minutes after he dropped me off from our first date, I got a text: “I had a great time. When can I see you again?” I got another in the morning: “I miss you. T_T” Then five minutes later: “Have a great day! ^^” What the hell am I getting myself into? I wondered.
“You have to remember, there is a major cultural difference, especially when it comes to dating,” my girlfriend said. “Just accept that this is a new experience, and appreciate the fact that you’re dating an honest man who doesn’t play games.”
So, I responded to the text messages. I answered every call. And I started seeing him four times a week. When my parents came to town, I introduced him as my boyfriend. He got them a hotel through his broker friend. He took them out to dinner and drove them around Seoul.
Our relationship seemed to be playing in fast-forward—minus the sex—until one day he said,“I make reservation at a hotel this weekend for us,”
“Oh, wow, really?” I responded. “Where is it?”
“It is really nice hotel near Seoul. We will cook for each other and then sleep in the bed together.”
My mouth fell open and I searched for something to say. “Can’t wait!”
I immediately called every girlfriend I could think of who could give me sex advice at 11 o’clock on a Wednesday night, 10 a.m. U.S. time. “What is this, junior prom?” my friend Melissa shouted in the phone from her Washington, D.C. office. “Is he serious? And more importantly, are you serious? You’re telling me he’s met your parents, you’ve changed your relationship status on Facebook, and you haven’t even slept together?”
“You are not helping my nerves,” I told her.
“Well, I’m sorry, honey. But there’s probably a reason he’s been courting you like a boy trapped in the 1940’s. Two words: Chopstick dick.”
I was somewhat relieved when I came down with the flu two days later. “I’m not gonna be able to do anything this weekend,” I told my boyfriend. “I’m really sick.”
“But, the hotel is reserved. Maybe you feel better in tomorrow?”
He came by the apartment that night with a bag full of cough syrup, Hello Kitty vitamins, Lemona packets, and three cans of Red Bull for my roommates.
“You do know you have to sleep with him,” said my roommate Chris after he left.
“Yeah, yeah, I know.”
But my cold stuck with me all weekend and the following week, right up to the Boryeong Mud Festival, or Mudfest as it’s known here.
“I am happy that my girlfriend feels better for her mud party,” said my boyfriend on the phone, on my way to Mudfest. “But I am not happy working at 11 o’clock on Friday night while my girlfriend goes on vacation without me.”
“Call me tomorrow and we’ll make plans for Sunday night, I promise,” I said trying to offer some consolation.
But Saturday passed without one text message. Then Sunday.
“I’m starting to worry,” I told my roommate, Chris. “This isn’t like him; he usually texts me every couple hours.”
“Maybe he went away with his parents for the weekend,” said Chris. “I wouldn’t worry about it.”
By Tuesday morning, I’d become riddled with anxiety. I’d sent countless text messages, two emails, and had called his phone six times.
Then, finally, a text came in Tuesday afternoon: “You bad girl, I came to China last Saturday cause of my work. I can go back in tomorrow ^_^”
“Why didn’t you tell me you were going to China?” I replied.
“I don’t want to bother your vacation. You are so busy.”
“That’s strange. I was really worried about you.”
“I hope that’s true,” he responded.
And, that’s the last I’ve heard from him. No reason, no explanation, nothing.
“Did I do something wrong?” I asked Chris. “Why is he doing this?”
“I have no idea,” he said. “He obviously really liked you, so that’s not the question. Maybe it’s a cultural thing that you’re not even aware of. I heard that Koreans really don’t like confrontation.”
“Well, he never introduced me to his friends or family,” I said. “Maybe he felt weird about dating an American?”
“Or, maybe he did have a small dick,” Chris said, laughing.
I guess I’ll never know.
Print This Post
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
A former Floridian, Jennifer decided to make the move to Seoul after friends found her with a hammer in hand, hovered in front of the freezer, trying to pry her “emergency credit card” from a block of ice. Living like an heiress on a copyeditor’s budget had finally caught up to her. Finances now in order, Jennifer spends most of her time teaching and daydreaming about where she’ll visit next.
jenniferdstevens@gmail.com
July 25th, 2010 at 10:17 pm
Why don’t all these pantywaist men go to China?
I have dated Asian, Korean men in NYC and they can actually be worse than this!
July 25th, 2010 at 10:23 pm
I am back in Seoul after being out of Korea for three years. I thought Korean men might start to be less weird and someday enjoy planet earth. I agree with the story in this post and that is not going to happen. I am glad that they are skinny. But a skinny mama’s boy is just a mama’s boy.
July 25th, 2010 at 11:53 pm
I’ve been in a relationship with a Korean man for three years. I find that if I don’t treat him like a Martian and accept that our cultures are simply different, things work out better. Not to mention I put him before partying at Korea’s version of Spring Break. That’s the secret to a lasting relationship, ladies–not trying to Westernize him, and choosing him over jell-o shots and mud people have probably peed in.
July 27th, 2010 at 12:18 am
Why you talk ill about Korean man. This man might not be not be kind man to you. but Korean man is hero man of Asia. You must find good level Korean man. Look for me on Facebook. I am Koreaheroman.
July 29th, 2010 at 1:13 pm
Love your writing, girl. Maybe Korean men just aren’t your bag. You want tall, dark and handsome ..go out and get him! And be excited about the fact that he doesn’t want to wear matching ‘Hello Kitty’ shirts with you!
August 1st, 2010 at 6:23 pm
Interesting story, you seem to be a bit insensitive though, did you ever consider he or his friends would read this?? If I were him and was refered to as a chopstick dick, I’d be kinda upset….
Way to win friends and influence people
August 3rd, 2010 at 9:22 am
Well, he just proved…Korean men are no different then American men. Except they will wait a little longer for it
Great story Jen! The US misses you 
August 3rd, 2010 at 9:34 am
well, chopstick dick never called again so who cares..
my guess is he went spastic over his girlfriend traveling somewhere without him – an obvious admission of the girl’s wanton infidelity to the mind of many Korean men – not that that makes them insecure, possessive, and astoundingly immature.
August 3rd, 2010 at 11:48 pm
this dude sounds like a loser. you’re better off without him.
August 4th, 2010 at 1:33 am
#3 LoveKoreanPeen is wise.
He probably got sick of your being the kind of person who blows off her “boyfriend” to party with fat muddy North Americans slobs. Very mature. I like how your story conveniently skips over that point. Way to be accountable for your actions.
On the other hand, it’s probably easier to think “chopstick dick.”
Keep believing that.
August 4th, 2010 at 7:59 am
i’ve had a lot of Korean friends who’ve done this – just disappeared, men and women. there is always something they just can’t or don’t know how to deal with and don’t wanna confront you. and they haven’t know you long enough to bother with doing so. don’t take it too personally. it doesn’t happen to me anymore (hardly) – because i don’t let it happen, in terms of my interactions.
you’re just flirting with the culture and it’s people right now. if you wanna stick around long enough to get cred with them in the smaller and broader sense, it will happen. good luck. it’s worth the long shot.
August 4th, 2010 at 5:01 pm
TWM lost 3 points for posting this article although it was a funny read through my American eyes! I just want to say that it’s sad that Jennifer’s disappointment in how her ‘sugar-daddy’ kicked her to the curb, something I assumed took place in private, became a public matter as a sort of vengence. I don’t know you, but I have seen you in Seoul and you’re not unlike most white American women parading around the streets of Itaewo: that is, a straight whore, clamoring to anyone who will give you time. And when I say anyone, I mean the deseparate tye who have no swag and get no play from the Korean chicks. Keep it real: western men in Korea are ISO Korean women. Perhaps only to soil their royal oats for the limited time here. Nevertheless, ya’ll ain’t what’s happening. Take that into account next time you try to embarass the Koreans…we are guest in this country.
Again, the story was funny. You airing out ‘your’ dirty laundry, not so much!
August 4th, 2010 at 9:39 pm
I think if you read all of her posts, she clearly has a pattern for toying with men, then has the gaul to post it for all to see. Interesting character she has. Way to represent the USA, you make us proud
August 5th, 2010 at 9:07 pm
i can never understand why some people can’t just enjoy and appreciate jennifer’s posts the way they are. i think they’re highly entertaining. you all sound petty, bitter and jealous to me.
August 6th, 2010 at 4:36 am
Every Korean I have met has been extremely kind to me, and I would never want to speak ill of them. I wrote this story to be a funny, light-hearted read. I never said the man’s name and I didn’t include a picture. The only negative comment was a direct quote from my girlfriend–a typical response from an American woman. I will never understand why people feel the need to write hostile comments. Crazy Beautiful, you don’t know me, so please keep your opinions to yourself. I am far from a whore…In fact, I laughed when 3WM asked me to write a “Sex and the City” type column. And I’m sorry to say, Mizaru, but I think this will be the last one…Call me if you want a travel piece!
August 6th, 2010 at 5:17 am
yes, i agree with korova. @crazybeautiful – what’s your problem? not only is jen not a whore, she’s one of the most sensitive, caring and loving people i’ve ever met. if you look deeper into the story, you’ll see that she was hurt by the fact that a man she liked didn’t return her affections. where the ‘f’ do you see anything about a ‘sugar daddy’ ….
people who are so aggressively mean and bitter to people they don’t know have deeper emotional issues. jen has done everything she can to fit into korean culture – learning the language, traditions, meals, etc. she is always respectful of everybody and everything. in our culture, going with friends to some type of festival is normal, standard even. why should she bow down to an ancient (and male-driven) standard of staying home to dote on her BRAND NEW korean boyfriend ..why can’t he be respectful of our culture and trust her and be happy to see her when she returns.
in any event ..stop picking on people. if you don’t have something nice to say ..then go jump off of a bridge.
August 8th, 2010 at 7:33 pm
Keep our opinions to ourselves? My dear, if you want to continue to write stories and post them on the internet, I suggest you get use to comments both for and against your subject matter.
The author may be a sensitive and caring person, but in my opinion, her writing abilities do not convey that.
And now, sounds like she has stomped her feet and said I am taking my toys and leaving (meaning she will not be writing anymore stories), boo hoo, who will we criticize next, hmm, well; I guess anybody is open game.
I will say in support of the author that making personal attacks suck as “whore” is uncalled for.
Megan – There is more to learning how to “fit in”, then learning the language, eating Korean food and going to festivals,
You ask, why can’t “he” be respectful of our culture? Perhaps because we are all visitors here and as such should adjust to their culture.
August 9th, 2010 at 3:40 pm
All I can say is that it’s his loss.
Enjoy the rest of your time in Korea!
August 11th, 2010 at 11:40 pm
adjusting to Korean culture would be a grand leap backwards. better to gently guide your Korean friends towards the great social advances that have been achieved in the west: like relative gender equality, self-realization, mutual (rather than one-way) courtesies, and merit-(rather than age, gender or position)-based respect.
August 12th, 2010 at 4:26 pm
Jen, forget about a boy who is not man enough to tell you what you did that was so offensive…Crazybeautiful, your name speaks to your insecurities…Jen is crazy beautiful and doesn’t feel the need to flaunt it! Honey, go find Gerard…at least he gets it!
xoxo
August 13th, 2010 at 11:20 pm
[...] post on relationships between African women and Korean men. And for more practical advice, also see The Three Wise Monkeys and Hot Yellow Fellows for why you can seem to be having a great relationship with a Korean [...]
September 5th, 2010 at 5:23 am
Um, you may have been well-meaning, but this post is kind of f*cked up. Seriously? Calling a dude “chopstick dick” because he broke up with you after being offended that you totally blew off the trip he planned for you guys to go to, of all things, Mud Festival, which runs for a month and a half and you can go to anytime? And then carrying his behavior (and penis size??) over into an analysis of all Korean guys?
How would you feel if there was some Korean blog out their about dating foreign women, and your ex-dude posted “well the chick totally blew off our trip for her friends so we broke up, but it’s okay, because all white women have saggy vaginas anyway?”
Yeah, that would be really, really f*cked up, wouldn’t it?
Maybe it would be a good idea to try to at least be responsible about what you’re posting and the stereotypes you’re reinforcing…
September 5th, 2010 at 5:27 am
you hurt him and then when he blew you off you didn’t go after him.
how is he the weird one?
oh and…stop perpetuating stereotypes. k thanks.
September 6th, 2010 at 11:32 pm
stop your replies. It only encourages the publishers to post such idiotic rip off themes. The only people with positive replies are people she knows or people she knew back home. Don’t feed the claptrap.
September 6th, 2010 at 11:57 pm
–a typical response from an American woman. as if the only americans are from the usa.
September 8th, 2010 at 12:29 pm
i have seen a few western woman/korean man relationships that seem to work.a friend of mine just married a korean guy – wish them much luck…as far as the mud fest goes, i have seen it and was not too impressed. a bunch of slobby foreigners acting like retards. no wonder so many koreans think we are scum.a bunch of drunk, fat, tattoed whiteys rolling around in the mud and rain. the mud fest sucks.what are we, pigs or something, to roll around in the mud?at least pigs do it for a physiological reason.
September 8th, 2010 at 1:06 pm
Amen, Konrad.
September 9th, 2010 at 9:28 am
What I really want to know is: What does his t-shirt say? I’m a fu…..??
September 17th, 2010 at 6:20 pm
think about it, if you were in his shoes, and had went through all that to make plans and even came with all the cold medicine and stuff to his house, but then when he recovered he went off with his friends to a festival. you’d think that he doesn’t care about you as much, that he cares more about having fun with friends than to spend time with you which is what you wanted the most. you’d be totally disappointed! i think it wasn’t cool that he just disappeared and didn’t contact you, he should have told you straight up, but i think he was really hurt and disappointed after all he did for you.
September 22nd, 2010 at 2:50 pm
jennifer, i wonder what kind of western guys you go for.would you date me?
October 8th, 2010 at 1:06 pm
I agree with the assessment that the person in question did try very hard to be accommodating. I would even call him a gentleman in regards all the efforts he put in to woo you.
The boyfriend never attempted to invade her privacy to assume she had to “put out”. He patiently waited for the relationship to grow and blossom.
Due to your impatience and stupid remark of your friend that he might have an undersized penis (why not test the assumption?), you directly related all the problems on your believe that he had an insufficiently big members to satisfy your physical needs.
I feel you overstated the POSSIBILITY of him having a small member and all your reactions afterward prove that.
He was right to walk out on you, he realized you did not care about him as much as he cared about you, and instead of wasting his time with a potential failure, he packed up and left you to yourself.
Next time, you really want to know his size, so get down and dirty.
November 8th, 2010 at 2:28 pm
As an Asia guy with-not-so-whimpy-member, I really find this article amusing and I thank Jennifer for giving all of us something to talk about! However the sad fact is that Asian guys really are not thick skinned, sexual predators that only want to get in between your legs and do not take “NO” for an answer. This guy actually seemed to put your relationship ahead of his self gratification. Finally if I get blown off several times, only to hear “Call me tomorrow” as a response, I would have a “chopstick dick” to have such low self esteem to still want to date you.
December 25th, 2010 at 5:18 pm
Korean men think Western women are easy because of how they are portrayed in Hollywood movies. I say watch out. It’s the same as to how Western men think Asian, specifically Korean, women are easy.
December 29th, 2010 at 6:34 am
Hey Jacob. Let’s change your comment around a bit…
“[Western] men think that [East Asian] women are easy because of how they are portrayed in Hollywood movies…”
December 29th, 2010 at 6:37 am
It seems like Jennifer was never really into this guy. She was lonely and this dude was giving her attention. So she’s like, what the hell. However, the dude did try and put a lot of effort into courting her, for which she took all that for granted, it would seem.
She is now alone again (as far as we know). Considering how she treated the guy… it’s not surprising.
January 27th, 2011 at 2:44 am
Sounds like the guy was a total wierdo or maybe his English was so bad that he couldn’t bother telling you in detail what was going thru his mind. But as a Korean guy, I really can’t figure out why he’d do something like that.
Just as it is likely to bump into Mr. Wrong at bars and clubs, it is highly likely that you’ll find Mr. Absolutely Wrong thru Facebook or other online social sites, especially if the guy’s pick up line is; “I found a hot girl, I want to talk to her. Please help my English…..”
I’m really wondering how you fell for that.
February 14th, 2011 at 1:16 pm
You ladies need a healthy dose of “he’s just not that into you”.
I’ve seen tons of foreign women go through these sorts of problems in Korea with Korean men. Everything seems fine and then boom…nothing. A lot of it has to do with their “saving face” culture where they don’t want to tell you to your face that you suck.
Obviously, if a guy doesn’t call you anymore, he simply doesn’t want you anymore. Coming up with justifications is just sad. There could be a number of reasons why. Maybe he was after the sex all along and she proved too difficult. Maybe he found someone else. But either way, he simply lost interest in you. Accept that and move on like a real woman.
May 31st, 2011 at 2:54 pm
Wonderful blog! I dont feel Ive seen all of the angles of this subject the way youve pointed them out. Youre a accurate star, a rock star man. Youve got so considerably to say and know so significantly about the subject that I feel you ought to just teach a class about it…HaHa!
August 8th, 2011 at 12:52 pm
very helpful…
I preferred to thank you for this good article. http://www.guysrepublic.com/blogs/dress/ I by all odds liked every little bit of it…
August 9th, 2011 at 8:08 am
Great…
love your blog, http://www.cf-claymore.de/gildenforum.php?site=forum_topic&topic=1 ,Thanks again….
September 2nd, 2011 at 8:21 pm
very helpful…
I preferred to thank you for this good article. http://pcztew.chefcuisto.com/ I by all odds liked every little bit of it…